Three years ago, my favorite aunt died. Aunt Elinore died suddenly and unexpectedly. I still miss her. She only brought joy into my life. Only joy.
In a coordinated manner, her husband, my Uncle Earl, was my favorite uncle. He always had a smile on his face and a joke to tell. In contrast to the quick death of his wife, my Uncle Earl is dying a slow and painful death. Not for him, thankfully, but for the rest of us it is. He has memory loss, and whether you call it dementia, Alzheimer's, or just old age, it doesn't matter. It is slow and agonizing to those who love him much.
Uncle Earl thinks that Aunt Elinore is still with him. He is totally unable to get it into his mind that she is gone. He lives in the continual hope she is coming around the corner.
Their son, Earl Jr. (my cousin) had the sad duty to tell his dad, and my uncle cried long and hard the first time he heard the news. The next day, Uncle Earl had forgotten, and when Earl Jr. reminded him, he cried long and hard. Then came the next day, and you guessed it, my uncle cried long and hard at the news his wife had died.
Earl Jr. was in a spot no one wants to be in. Shall he speak only truth and watch his dad grieve anew every day? Or does he pretend his mom is still alive? Yikes! What a conundrum!
Compassionately, he chose the latter. His dad simply cannot get it. His mind is broken.
And as far as I can see, imperfect as it is, I believe my cousin is doing it right by lying to his father. Perhaps it is an adequate application of the biblical principle found in I Peter 4.8:
Love covers a multitude of sins.
This reminds me of the proverbial question, whether it was a sin for Rahab to lie and protect the Israelite spies? But I believe that the title of the post gives away the presupposition that you believe some lying is not a sin. To refer to it as "this" sin seems to say that some lying is sinful and other kinds, types, or times of lying are not. Am I understanding you correct here? I think I am based off of your conclusion that it was ok for cousin Earl Jr. to lie in this instance because it was with a loving motivation to keep his father from continual grieving. I would simply start where Scripture starts, in that all sin dishonors God. From there then we must define how lying relates to sin, and Scripture seems to be replete with commands, exhortations, and titles for our Savior that call us to be truthful in everything we do, especially in our speech. Therefore I would believe that any lie is not of the truth (1 John 2:21), and that any lie than would be dishonoring to God who calls us to speak truth in love, all the time. I also wanted to comment on your use of 1 Peter 4:8. Please help me to understand your use of this verse here, because as I read that verse in context it seems to be doing two things: alluding to the love God had for His children when He sent Christ to die for them (covering their sins in His sacrifice; and more specifically and directly to the context of the letter, the love we are to show to other believers, by forgiving and/or overlooking any sins they commit against us. That way our love, our overlooking, our kindness would cover their sin against us, not in a saving way but in a loving your neighbor as yourself way. Your use of 1 Peter 4:8 seems to open the door to sinning in the name of love. Its tough because once we say that 1 Peter 4:8 allows us to make judgment calls on certain sins, if our heart motive is pure, then bigger lies can take place or other things that God calls sin. Then we have to subjectively set the line on what is allowed with proper motive and what isn't, and I think we are movinga away from the line Scripture has already drawn: it is a sin to lie and sinning dishonors and disobeys God. Help me to see your use of 1 Peter 4:8 and how you would go about okaying certain things Scripture calls sin if done with right motives (if that would be your stance). Thanks Pastor Paul.
ReplyDeleteI fully realize that I give the appearance of opening the door to sinning in the name of love. In fact, this is an old argument that runs back to Joseph Fletcher's Situation Ethics. In the end, this is not the point I want to make. I have no desire to give a license to sin, no matter how good the motive is.
ReplyDeleteBut then you are handed this situation, and I ask - what do you do? What do you communicate to my Uncle Earl? Does he have to receive a broken heart every day because he can't remember that his wife has died?
You once commented to me that you thought the Christian life was more black and white the more you studied the Bible. I have found the opposite to be true, but it has not bothered me, because I am more in love with Jesus than ever. The problems keep drawing me closer to Him as I seek to know His heart.
I have not answered everything, but it is a start. I don't have all the answers anyway. That is why I wrote this blog.
I only have a few moments, Paul...but I have a few thoughts :). I do believe that it is always a sin to lie. I don't know that God instructed Rahab to lie, but he certainly redeemed the situation despite her lie. In the case of Uncle Earl, if Aunt Elinore knew the Lord as her Saviour, then she truly is still alive!! More than ever before! :) She's not "here", yet she may very well be "here"! We are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses"! A Godly counselor once expressed to me that it was okay to say things out loud to Rick after he moved to Heaven because it was quite possible that he could hear! We don't know! I remember Doc Newman at BTS postulating that Heaven may be simply "another dimension" around us that we can't see...but that the saints may be walking among us without our awareness!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine your cousin's frustration as he interacts with his dad on a daily basis, and I have no idea if he is stressing that Elinore is "dead", "gone", or whatever. But it seems to me that there may be a gentle way to express that she is no longer there in body, while still expressing the fact that she is alive and well which would possibly bring peace and hope to his heart. Of course, the Lord never promised that it would be easy down here...so grieving is very much a part of our work here on earth. The Lord doesn't move His saints to Heaven until He has finished His refining work in them, and grieving and learning to trust the Lord is part of the refining process.
Okay, so these are just some quickly expressed thoughts...feel free to gnash them through with me...altho' I don't know that my saying "feel free" will make a difference 'cause you would anyway! ;-) It's always been fun to gnash things through with you! Blessings ~ Margaret (Rineer)
Wow, what a challenge. Perhaps, this is an opportunity in disguise? I remember, upon the passing of my Mother, embracing my father in perhaps the most heart felt of all encounters with him. This man, must sadly convey the worst of news on a daily basis, but, in such sad circumstance, is it not valuable the love he shows his father as well? Daily, the son has the "opportunity" to show his love for his father and his remorse at his loss. He can connect with him on level that we only experience in a day or two of our life on this earth. This, in an odd way, can be perceived as a blessing?
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