I Am Tired of Leadership

It began when I was a youth pastor. I wanted to do it well and since I was young, I sought out experts. I went to every Youth Specialties Conference that came to the area. Then it was the Sonlife Ministries. They inspired me to be more effective in reaching youth.

Then I became the Lead/Senior Pastor and now I needed to really up my game. Years before, mentors and elders had prayed over me. They blessed me. They said I was going to do great things for God. I believed the discernment and the prophetic tone of these prayers.

I sought to be better. I studied church growth strategies. I took staff to leadership seminars. I went to leadership conferences with Christianity Today (I loved going to San Diego in the winter!). I wanted to be a great leader for Christ's sake.

While some changes happened and churches grew, the greatness that I believed was to be my experience never seemed to occur. Perhaps I did something wrong to frustrate what God had in mind for me.

The truth is I more often felt like a CEO that was directing a business than a shepherd. I seemed to have a lot of bosses. So many people in the church seemed to know how I should be doing my job. Nevermind that they contradicted each other. I never sought their "wisdom." I still don't want it.

I never prayed to any of them.

Fourteen years ago, I left pastoral leadership in the church. God called me to campus ministry. I was apprehensive and delighted all at the same time. My time on campus has reminded me of the reason I went into ministry in the first place. People need Jesus.

Some things, however, never change. Now, I am encouraged to study the Millennials and Generation Z so that I can adequately minister to them. I'm in my sixties now. I sometimes feel the pressure that I am not adequate.

Frankly, I seem to be doing fine without the experts telling me what I need to know. Students need people to love them and speak into their lives. They respond to that. I don't think I need to know a whole lot more than that. Actually, I have found that to be true across generations.

But if you can come up with a conference of "How to Listen to the Holy Spirit When Everyone Else Thinks They Know How to Do Your Job Better Than the Way You Are Doing It Now," I will be there.